The Blue Lagoon and Return to Blue Lagoon

May 5, 2006

I try to make sure I know pop culture references so on the off chance I meet real people and talk about things, I can know what I'm talking about.  The Blue Lagoon is a famous movie for it's scantily-clad Brooke Shields, and pretty much nothing else.  The acting is terrible.  I know they're just kids, but you can tell Brooke was cast for her body and not her talent.  The dialogue is retarded, like something a 13-year-old emo would write.  And the plot is really not that interesting or entertaining.  Ok, some kids are on a desert island and are "discovering" their bodies. 

Normally I'm all for defending nudity in movies as being either artistically relevant or something "natural", but it seems that the Blue Lagoon is a one-trick pony.  I'm sorry, but Brooke Shields nude is not reason enough for me to waste my time with this.

Return to the Blue Lagoon is more of the same.  Milla Jovovich is prettier than Brooke Shields, acts better than her, but she can't seem to shake her accent completely, which is wrong for the movie.  Again the male counterpart in unmemorable and seems to have no role other than to help the girl character show her irritablility.  Because we all know when girls turn into women, the main indicator is irritability.  Damn puberty for making us all total bitches!

Return is pretty much the same plotwise except toward the end when they encounter "civilization" and it turns out to be not what they expected.  The author was obviously trying to make a statement about civilization when he wrote in a violent rapist and a conniving whore to be the people they meet.  Movies with morality make me feel like a kid watching an after school special.


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